Well its been 7 1/2 months since our 4th and final deployment and 1 1/2 months til our "Official" retirement date and the hubby has been in retirement mode since Dec 23rd when he came home. Its been difficult for me having him around 24-7, with him not working, just watching TV, playing games on his phone and moving back home from Ft Knox, KY to our home in Kempner Texas, near FT Hood. Not sure which is harder on him, the PTSD or Retiring. After his injury July 2011, I prepared me and our 14, now 15, old daughter of the possibilities that an injury and/or PTSD would come with our soldier. Its been good, I guess, considering some of the stories I've heard. 94days since Terminal Leave started...He is trying really hard, but with the Retirement getting closer and the slim job prospects, how can someone not be depressed, frustrated and anxious at the same time. Especially when we have no idea what Retirement pay will be, after all their little deductions and this economy keeps on sucking and sucking some more. Heck, in the 94 days, I have quit my GREAT job in KY, dealt with horrible packers, left very close friends who I consider family, relocated back to our house in Texas (that is another story completely), tried to deal with the condition that Renters left our Texas "Retirement" House in, started another Job search which has been unsuccessful in 3 months, grip the upcoming end of our Army career, all while being the strong one for my soldier, who has never had to do any of this in 20yrs. I should be on medication. LOL, but I'm not. And every day, I witness via Facebook, one Army marriage after another disintegrate. It truly breaks my heart. I know its tough, I've been living "THE LIFE" for the past 15yrs, I have dealt with the deployments and the moves and the late nites and 24hr shifts and the missed birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, awesome sports highlights. I've dealt alone too. I've dealt with the Angry and highly irritated soldier who when he was home, was difficult to be around, all prior to his injury last year. Irritations caused by soldiers who don't want to do their job or Officers who don't know their job, but what to tell my soldier (Senior Enlisted) how to do it. But I sucked it up and drove on. After the statistics the way they are, I don't know how we made it unscathed without needing Counseling. My soldier husband has never been abusive, so there was never a reason for me to give up on him or his career or the Army. I began to think the Army issued this Wife and I was proud of it. I suppose a little bit had to be that we were Soul Mates, not finding each other til our mid/late 20's. If we were younger or didn't care enough about being married, maybe things would be different for us. I know we love each other and that has grown with absences despite all the separations. Who knows why we have been different than so many, because this was the WORST deployment EVER!! Maybe one day we'll need counseling, and when we do, we'll go because we owe it to our commitment to each other and our marriage. I urge Soldiers and Spouses alike, especially injured soldiers, to get individual AND Marriage counseling before leaving a marriage. Doing so will help both individuals to heal AND understand what the other person is/has gone through. If an honest hardcore effort is given (it might take more than a year) then it might prevent something that both of you will regret later on. Don't let Deployments ruin your life or your marriage, there is help out there - Go Get It, especially if you love the person you married, despite how different they are when the deployment ends! You'll be happy you did, because everyone deserves to live a healthy, happy life. You have to STAY to work it out, not sneaking away to hang with friends/family. Being PRESENT is the ONLY way! Don't let your family/friends "outsiders" sway you into thinking "You don't have to put up with this" - they have no idea what its like. And yes it might look bleek or greener on the other side, put up the "GOOD" fight before throwing in the towel. I would never ever think about leaving, before all the options have been spent. My marriage means more, no matter what. And you owe it to the other person to give it a chance. In the Words of one of my BEST friends, whose soldier lost the lower part of his left leg April 2011 "Also, if your spouse is unsafe when he comes home, it is ok to work on things from a distance. Don't give up--with proper help and counseling, his behavior can be temporary. Guard your heart the most during the difficult times--don't let a single door crack open in another relationship because it can fracture an already strained marriage. Give it time, give it commitment, give it love. It's not easy, but it's worth it to TRY. Not all marriages will make it through the hard times. Just try. Not for us or anyone else--but for your heart and your family. If in the end you still have to walk away, at least you go knowing that you've done everything possible to make it work." Don't Give up, times have been better, times have been worse. Don't be afraid to talk to a specialist to help you get through it. There is no shame in it. And don't forget, I am always here for you.

~for the Love of Combat Boots and Dog Tags!!